WOLFIE THE RABBIT

Most Of Life Is Saturday…

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sun, 31 Mar 2024 14:47:44 +0000

I am going to talk just briefly about each of the four days we celebrate this week – Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter – and look at how in each day Jesus surprises us and defies our expectations of who he is. It begins with Palm Sunday, which we celebrate today, when Jesus rides into Jerusalem and everyone thinks he`s coming to kick out the Romans and bring freedom to the Jews so they lay down Palm branches and shout, “Hosanna” King of the Jews.” You can understand why they are so excited because for centuries they have been oppressed and conquered by everybody – the Assyrians, the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Romans – they`re 0 and 5 and their season is not improving. If they were a basketball team, they would be in the B league. In fact they probably wouldn`t even be in a league; they`d be in someone`s driveway playing horse, and they wouldn`t even have an H. They are so excited because finally they think Jesus is going to give them a political victory, but that`s not what Jesus came to do. He didn`t come to Jerusalem to kick out the Romans; he came to die to take the punishment that we all deserve on himself. That is not what they expected or wanted. Palm Sunday represents all the times that we get really excited about Jesus because of what we think He can do for us rather than about who he really is and what he really offers. Palm Sunday represents all those times we get excited about Jesus because we think he`s going to give us the job we want or the health we want or the friends we want. I had a student who was applying for a Rhodes Scholarship a couple of years ago, and he tried to make a deal with God. He said, “God, you give me the Rhodes Scholarship and I`ll tell everyone I got it because of you.” I remember saying, “I don`t think that is going to work.” He said, “Why not? What better way to make God look good than to make me a Rhodes scholar.” Do you ever do something similar and say to God, “Lord, make me successful, make me happy, give me what I want.” That`s what the Palm Sunday crowds were saying, “Lord, do for us what we want and make us happy.” But Jesus didn`t come to make us happy; He came to make us holy and whole. Now I know that if you`re like me you`re thinking, “Bummer, that`s too bad, I want to be happy.” But trust me whole is better; it lasts longer, it`s more rewarding, and it`s more productive than happiness, which is fleeting. Jesus came to make us holy and whole – not what we expected. This leads directly into the second day of Holy Week – Maundy Thursday. This is the night that Jesus celebrates the last supper with his disciples. It`s also the night that Judas betrays him, and the gospels imply that the reason Judas betrays Jesus is because he`s exasperated that Jesus seems more concerned about saving souls than about starting a revolution. So because Jesus doesn`t follow the script, Judas turns his back on him. Here again we can relate because this sometimes happens to us. We get disappointed with God because he doesn`t do what we want him to do. We just ignore him or do our own thing or maybe come to church, but don`t really give our lives to him. Like Frank Sinatra we do it “our way” and follow our own path. Maundy Thursday is about all the ways we turn our back on Jesus, as everyone does that first Maundy Thursday 2 000 years ago. It`s the most sordid night in human history. The disciples fall asleep instead of praying with Jesus; the chief priests put Jesus on trial in secret at night. Then the priests get afraid and pass him off to Pilate, who passes him off to Herod, who passes him back to Pilate. Pilate finally caves in like a house of cards to the angry crowds, who just a few days before were praising Jesus but now demand his death. Maundy Thursday is about all the ways that human beings fail God, but here again Jesus surprises us. You would expect him to give up on such a sorry lot, but that is not what he does. Instead he keeps pursuing us and chasing us, and as much as we run away from him, he never gives up on us. Do you know who held the seat of honor at the Last Supper? Judas – because God never gives up on us. And do you know what Jesus does BEFORE the Last Supper? He washes his disciples` feet. Think about it — in a culture where people walk everywhere in dirt and dust, no water to take a bath, nothing but leather sandals absorbing all those odors, and what does the son of God do? He kneels down and washes those dirty feet. Maundy Thursday is about how Jesus loves us in spite of our dirty feet, in spite of our failures, fears, and weaknesses. It`s about how he cleans us up and makes us whole. This brings us to the third day of Holy Week, Good Friday, the day Christ was crucified. Surely there is no bleaker moment in human history than when we decided it was expedient to kill our Creator. But here again Jesus defied our expectations and surprises us, because – as the name suggests – this horrible event turns out to be good. Not because of what happened on that day, but because God used that day to make us good by paying the price we deserved so we could be reconciled to God. It`s the best worst thing that ever happened and that`s the paradox of Good Friday, the irony of Good Friday. Unlike other religions that just pretend there is no such thing as evil or say if only you meditate right you can escape the illusion of suffering, Good Friday tells us the truth. Evil really does exist and suffering really does hurt, but God can take even the worst events and make them good. Unlike other religious figures, Jesus doesn`t AVOID SUFFERING and SIN, he absorbs them and transforms them into something good. The last day of Holy Week is EASTER, the day Jesus was raised from the dead. Easter is a powerful symbol that with God there is no such thing as a dead end. God can conquer even death itself and can take the worst defeat and turn it into victory. There is a semi-famous painting called “Check Mate” that depicts a chessboard where the king is supposedly in check mate, but one day a master chess player was studying this painting for hours and finally said, “It`s not true; the painting is wrong. The king is not in check mate; he has one more move.” That`s Easter and again it defies our expectations. You would expect death to be the end of the game, but not with God. He can make even the worse defeat a victory. As bleak as things get, God always has one more move left. Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter – four different ways that Jesus defies our expectations and surprises us:1) By pursuing his agenda, not ours, and making us holy2) By loving us at our worst3) By using our sin to save us4) By turning a dead end into a new beginning But there is one more day left, and we don`t celebrate it, but I think it is the most important day of Holy Week – Saturday – the day between the crucifixion and the resurrection. What do you think the disciples were doing on Saturday? Here they have seen their friend and their Master killed the day before but also have this vague promise, which probably seemed ludicrous at the time that he would rise again. So what do you think they were doing on Saturday between the tragedy and the promise? Most of life is Saturday. We`re in a terrible position, but we have a promise from God that we only half believe. It`s after the doctor tells us we have cancer, but before we`re cured or find a new depth of faith to cope with it. It`s after the marriage breaks up, but before God heals the grief. It`s after we`ve been laid off, but before God uses our gifts in a new place. Most of life is Saturday. It`s waiting in faith and hanging onto the promise that God is going to come through for us in spite of how bad things look. Most of life is Saturday. I don`t know where you are this Holy Week. Maybe you`re in a Palm Sunday kind of mood wanting God to get on board with an agenda and maybe he will, but if he doesn`t know that his plans are always good. Maybe you`re feeling a little unlovable because of something you`ve done or haven`t done. Maundy Thursday means that God loves us no matter how dirty our uniform gets from the game of life. Maybe you`re in a Saturday kind of place – between a hard time and a promise you only half believe. Know this for sure that God`s Easter irony is still at work, and he can use even the worst tragedies for good, and healways has at least one more move left. No matter how bleak and dark Saturday gets, Sunday`s coming, and it`s coming sooner than you think.” – AUTHOR UNKNOWN –

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Dis Eenvoudig. Dit Werk.

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 19:18:29 +0000

Ek wil graag met julle deel wat nou-die-dag, in die kar, op pad huis toe na afloop van ‘n kuier by maatjies gebeur het. ‘n Onderonsie het tussen my 11-jarige en 8-jarige ontstaan. Die 11-jarige sê toe vir die 8-jarige: “Ek kort spasie asseblief…”Waarop die 8-jarige antwoord: “Dankie dat jy vir my gesê het wat jy nodig het.”Waarop die 11-jarige antwoord: “Dankie dat jy my respekteer.” Dit is natuurlik op hierdie punt waar die uwe amper die kar rol met ‘n opgewonde gejuig: “Dit is sulke goeie kommunikasie! Julle kan só trots voel op julself! Hoe voel dit???” (Dit is ‘n doelbewuste tegniek om die spesifieke gedrag te versterk en hulle buite- en binne ervaring te koppel). By die huis aangekom deel ek met pappa wat gebeur het waar kleine muisies met grote ore natuurlik kon hoor hoe ek oor hulle praat. (Weereens ‘n doelbewuste tegniek om die gedrag te versterk. Die hele situasie het my baie hoopvol gemaak vir die toekoms van ons mensdom. Hierdie generasie se kinders leer verhoudingsvaardighede aan wat baie van die volwassenes om ons nooit die geleentheid gehad het om te ontwikkel nie. Die wetenskap oor veilige binding is duidelik. Dit beïnvloed die lewe van ‘n kind op soveel positiewe maniere:~ selfwaarde,~ gesonder verhoudings, en~ selfs positiewe fisiese gesondheidsuitkomste! En dit is eintlik super eenvoudig: wanneer ons ingestel is op ons kinders en hulle met sorg en respek behandel, leer hulle om op dieselfde manier teenoor ander op te tree. (‘n Liewe, spesiale neuron in die brein speel ‘n groot rol hierin.) My hartsbegeerte is dat alle mense (maak nie saak die ouderdom nie) na geluister en gerespekteer sal word. Mag almal van ons – as gevolg daarvan – veiliger en meer connected voel. En mag ons generasie dié wees wie die bal aan die rol sit. As jy natuurlik meer wil weet oor hierdie vaardighede of dit self ‘n go wil gee – gaan loer gerus hier: https://www.wolfietherabbit.com/dashboard/ (You’ve got nothing to lose… but oh SO MUCH TO GAIN!) **** DISCLAIMER: Ek is nie altyd die beste voorbeeld nie en hulle is nie altyd so suksesvol in hul konflikhantering nie… maar dit is ‘n goeie begin. ****

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The Talent Show

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 18:59:58 +0000

the cousins are visiting. Last night the girls decided a talent show was to be had. They would be the judges. Everyone had to participate. I did not want to. Stages aren’t my thing. I was wholly unprepared. I told a joke which did not land. No surprise – I did not place. Afterward my 11 – almost 12 year old – came to me and said I sucked. We both laughed because, well, truth. However, he then went on to say that I should’ve gone up there and have been a mom, because that is my talent… (Disclaimer: this is not about me – my son has a beautiful, kind heart. I make lots of mistakes, mess up, lose my cool, have PMS, is emotionally unavailable, too screen-distracted or just too tired at times. My son is also almost a fully fledged teenager. Statements like this will be rare in the future and therefore, for now, I will take it and bury it deep in my heart.) Nonetheless, his words got me thinking: how often do we undermine and undervalue our contributions? Maybe because it is not seen or applauded by the masses. Maybe because no trophies or titles are handed out. Or maybe because we have good days and bad days and mess-up days in-between. However, a young child’s words underscored that we should never underestimate our impact. Just because it is not seen or celebrated or “perfect”, does not mean it doesn’t have eternal value. So here’s to you – and all your unseen acts of love. May you recognise the significance, importance, validity, and sacredness of showing up every day. May you honour yourself for learning. For loving. For growing. For repairing. For trying. And trying again. May you never refer to yourself as “just a mom” again, but may you proclaim, “I am a mom” with the reverence and significance it deserves. P.S. The joke: “Why did Adele cross the street?To say hello from the other side…”

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They Get To Have Their Feelings

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 07:32:59 +0000

Parents are allowed to hold the boundaries. And kids… well they are allowed to feel upset about it. Does that make you do a double-take? Well, it ought to, because it is so contradictory to how most of us were raised. Parents used to think that they could dictate how children should feel about something which, in hindsight, makes no sense at all. Spoiler alert: we can’t hi-jack their feelings or experiences! They get to have their feelings. If the thought of the aftermath of boundary setting makes you break out in a cold sweat, wanting to reach for a tub of ice cream, an adult beverage or a solitary, dark corner for back-and-forth rocking – don’t worry – you are not alone. Maybe the following perspective shifts could be of some help and soothe that anxiety of yours somewhat: Firm, loving boundaries actually make your kid feel SAFER. How, you may ask? Kids’ brains are obsessed with control. Therefore, predictability is their friend. It makes their world feel safe and safe is important. When they (read all of us) feel safe, we can regulate our emotions more effectively. Therefore, when parents mean what they say and say what they mean, it makes the kid’s world feel more predictable and safe. When we go back on our boundaries, however, it cues their brain to think… CHAOS, UNSAFE, UNPREDICTABLE! So when we say “one more episode” which turns into “5 more episodes”, that is confusing. Cue the chaos. The BIIIIIG, powerful, upset feelings that erupt after holding a boundary is totally, completely, absolutely OKAY and NORMAL. (No – I don’t have Corona. I have all my ducks in a row. You read that correctly). All feelings are okay – even the uncomfortable ones! (GASP!) When we create space for a healthy, safe release of emotion (vs suppression), it allows our kids to move through their feelings quicker. It also cements the parent-child attachment by building trust, because they learn that you are a safe person they can honestly express themselves with. But wait – there’s more: they also learn that they don’t need to be in charge of the big decisions (you will be in charge of those) – and that takes so much pressure off their little shoulders! Less pressure = less stress = less chaotic behaviour. If this intrigues you and you are interested in acing this parenting thing: enroll in my discipline course right now: FROM CONTROL TO CONNECTION: how great parents are made. short lessons you can complete when and where it works for you lifetime access practical tips and tools printable material #winning Change your life. Change your kid’s life…

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The Choice

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 18:03:36 +0000

I choose to free my child. My child will not be held responsible for feeding my ego, nor will they be held hostage by my ego or expectations. I understand that who I am is not tied to my child’s behaviour or achievements or failures. I choose instead to dismantle my ego – my false sense of self – in favour of my core being. I will give my self the love and acknowledgement I need – to reparent myself if need be – in order to deeply connect with my child. – I choose to acknowledge effort not outcome. To encourage instead of praise, because I want my child to know that they are more than good enough at the core of their being. I don’t want them to fall victim to the trap of achievement. To be dependent on applause or trophies and external validation. Because what will become of them when the applause fades, the curtains close and the lights are dimmed? Instead, I want them to be able to complete the sentence “I am…” I want to be their mirror to reflect back to them who they truly are. I want them to know that their worth is not tied to any of their achievements. I want them to know: they are worthy… simply because they are. – I choose to distance myself from disrespectful discipline practices. I will not commit violent acts against my child in the name of discipline. I will not shame, degrade, disrespect or assassinate their character in the name of discipline. Instead, I will understand that discipline means to teach. I choose to be their guide. Not an angry, unregulated, out-of-control, power-hungry “adult-toddler”. – I choose to help them (and myself) regulate first, because I understand that a brain in survival mode… only knows how to survive {by means of very primitive survival tactics}. I understand that learning can only take place once we are both in our calm, responsive brain states. Therefore we will breathe together; I will help you name your powerful emotions; I will hold you or share space with you and I will empathise with you until we can think clearly and calmly again. – I will choose patience. – I will seek connection above all, because I understand that the only way I can secure influence in my child’s life is through connection. Because I understand that children do better when they feel better. Because I understand that children will listen when they feel listened to. – My child is not a clone, a minion, nor a robot. They are allowed to disagree with me, have a different point of view, and even choose their own set of values. I will respect them for the complete soul they are, albeit tiny, hormonal, unregulated or different from my expectations. – I will remind myself that I am not the one freaking out about a triangle sandwich. I don’t need to have a meltdown just because they are. I choose to share my calm – not join their chaos.– I choose to be present in the moment. To put my to-do list on hold. To stop chasing the future and to surrender to the now. To share the joy and awe and wonder of a first-time experience or imagination unleashed or a “just-because” moment. – I will choose patience. – I choose to take ownership of my “stuff”. You will not be blamed for my tiredness, irritation or impatience. You will not be my emotional punching bag. I will own my stuff, without projecting or blaming. I will own my stuff, by apologising and asking for forgiveness and doing better next time. – I understand, acknowledge and accept that the sign of great parenting is not my child’s behaviour, but my own behaviour. – I choose to understand that all behaviour speaks of need. Therefore, I will be your behaviour detective – meeting your need, instead of punishing your behaviour (i.e. your communication tool). – But most of all, I choose to love unconditionally. I will not love you more because you appease and please. My love will not be dependent upon you meeting a certain set of criteria or standards. And my love will not be hijacked by disappointment, mistakes or poor decision-making. This is the type of parent I choose to be. This is my commitment to you: CATCHING FEELINGS: how to raise an emotionally intelligent child FROM CONTROL TO CONNECTION: how great parents are made KNOWING YOURSELF HELPS YOUR CHILD SOME SECRETS SHOULD NEVER BE KEPT a guide in teaching sexual abuse prevention to kids iPARENT: raising humans in the screenage

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Finding Yourself

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Fri, 25 Feb 2022 17:03:28 +0000

People will often say that they need to go “find themselves”. They embark on gap years, do cleanses and detoxes, declutter or go on some journey to exotic far-off places. The truth is we don’t need an elaborate trip. The only journey (and probably most important) we need to embark on is a journey inward. Mustering up the courage to look in the mirror and really see who it is we truly are. To join the dots in a coherent narrative about our life and how we got to be where we are. For we are not lost (usually merely unconscious). We are not some crumpled up note that is to be found in last year’s winter coat. That is not how it works. Your true self is right there. Buried under layers of trauma, cultural conditioning, patriarchal dogma, people’s opinions and subsequent attachments and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a child that became your false beliefs about who you are. Therefore, “finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An excavation, an unlearning, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.

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Pain. Healing.

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sat, 12 Feb 2022 06:49:31 +0000

Pain: She is trying to escape… but the tornado keeps pulling her back in. She keeps spinning and spinning. Healing:It’s not always about escaping though. Sometimes you have to learn how to survive inside of it. Right in the middle of all that spinning you can let that tornado rip apart your heart… or you choose how to let what has happened to you affect you. Only you can decide who you want to be. No one else can do that. SOME SECRETS SHOULD NEVER BE KEPT a guide in teaching sexual abuse prevention to kids

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When Only YOU Will Do!

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sat, 05 Feb 2022 08:00:12 +0000

Let’s talk parental preference for a moment. Yes – it is a thing. You know those times when your toddler only wants one parent to do absolutely e-ve-ry-thing. That, friends, is parental preference. It can be exhausting for the (cue the deep announcer voice with an echo) CHOSEN… CHOSEN… chosen one and frustrating (even rejecting) for the other parent. Don’t worry – you didn’t do anything wrong; you didn’t mess up. Preference does not equate love! Underdeveloped toddler brains are obsessed with control – OB-SESSED. So, this is just one more area where they try to explore (exert) decision-making and autonomy. (Remember: it is developmentally their job to push boundaries – their goal is not to frustrate or annoy you – even though it may feel that way a lot of the time.) Although giving toddlers choices is a very good thing (because it feeds their hunger for autonomy), this is not one of the decisions they should be making. It is simply too big of a decision for them, which can actually cause a lot of stress. So, how do you deal with parental preference? You are not going to take it personally (because that will send you straight into your reptile brain, i.e. momzilla – yikes!); you are going to be in charge of the decision; and you are going to support your toddler’s feelings through it: 1) ok the feelings (because ALL feelings are valid – even the uncomfortable ones); 2) firmly and kindly hold the boundary; and 3) offer an appropriate choice. “I hear you want daddy to do bed time. Today it is mommy’s turn. That makes you feel really sad. It is ok to feel sad. Tomorrow it will be daddy’s turn again. Do you want to read this book or that book first?” Question: is this said hissing through your teeth, or screaming at the top of your lungs? Answer: nope, nope, nope. You are going to channel your inner zen and use your CCC: cool, calm, confident tone. A way to sidestep this power struggle is to offer your toddler appropriate responsibility. Charts or visual aids that toddlers can reference is great in this regard! Their responsibility can be to go check whose turn it is to do bed time. That sense of “responsibility” will make them feel important and help entice cooperation instead of the dreaded pushback. We have a very cute calendar (thanks shining mom) to help in this regard. Simply print it. Put it up where those wildlings can see it. Cut out a picture of you and your partner’s faces and use Prestik to put up the face of who’s responsible for the routine on that particular day. Download your calendar HERE. For more ideas and tips on how to stay connected and empowered through this (challenging) parenting thing, check out my course: FROM CONTROL TO CONNECTION the evolution of discipline.

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“Everyone wants to hold the baby, who will hold the mother?”

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Mon, 31 Jan 2022 07:53:45 +0000

This article, excellently written by Samantha Herbst, highlights the silent, isolating struggle mothers face on a daily basis: the reality that motherhood isn’t only “wonderful and a blessing and beautiful”. It is also hard and tiring and ugly and frustrating and isolating at times. Motherhood does not only involve meeting the needs of another around the clock (at the expense of our own I might add), but it also confronts us with our own unhealed wounds, right in the middle of an identity crisis where we mourn the loss of our pre-pregnancy identity. The perfect storm. Be gentle with yourself. Do the inner work. Show kindness and care and consideration. Be aware and conscious and reach out when you need it. Opinion | Who is behind the Dickason child killings? We are, South Africa Social media is on fire as some condemn 40-year-old South African expat and mother Lauren Dickason to worse than the fiery pits of hell. “What kind of a mother!?” they cry. “What kind of a monster would strangle her children with cable ties, watching the life drain from each of their terrified faces, not once but three times over?” Lauren Dickason has been cast off as possessed, a demon. Fists shaking, eyes bulging and angry emojis abounding, many South Africans are calling for this woman’s blood. They want to see her suffer. Here, empathy is a very fine line between condemnation and justification. It’s at this juncture that we can either join the ranks of condemners or dare to look down the precipice and really consider what happened in the Dickason household last Thursday night. What were the contributing factors that set this unimaginable tragedy in motion? As a mother and parenting journalist, much of my professional circle comprises parenting experts, maternal health and motherhood advocates, as well as mental health professionals. All mothers themselves, none of this circle were surprised at what transpired in Timaru, New Zealand that night. We were all unnerved, to be sure. Sickened, saddened, angry maybe, but not surprised. It is not an anomaly. Experts in the perinatal space can attest to the hordes of South African mothers currently navigating their own unlivable reality. A reality that might set in motion a mode of events similar to what transpired in the Dickason home. Unfortunately, it is not an anomaly. Just this week, News24 reported on several cases of filicide that happened on home soil in the last few months. What kind of a mother murders her own children? And, in Lauren Dickason’s case, what kind of a mother does so after facing years of infertility, paying tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of rands to experience the miracle of becoming a mother? For many, nothing adds up except sheer demonism. But for me, the truth is multifaceted and might vary one from one extreme theory to another, and definitely from one mother to the next. In South Africa, the truth could be this: What kind of a mother does this? * Any kind of mother whose mental health went unchecked pre- and postpartum. * Any kind of mother expected to smile post birth trauma – be it vaginal or C-section – and be happy and grateful at all times for her child with zero validation of the trauma she underwent. * Any kind of mother operating on less sleep than sleep deprivation torture detainees at Guantanamo Bay. This is not a joke. * Any kind of mother expected to parent in a society where the division of labour falls squarely on her shoulders, even in the most liberal and egalitarian households. * Any kind of mother raising children in a nation that largely suffers from unaffirmed and undiagnosed PTSD as a result of rampant violent crime threatening our families’ safety. * Any kind of mother parenting in a nation where gender-based violence ranks among the highest in the world (with a femicide rate five times the global average). * Any kind of mother parenting in an unprecedented pandemic, leaving parents with zero certainty that the decisions they’ve made on behalf of their families were the right ones. * Any kind of mother who feels forced to leave her home country and family, denying country and countrymen to take root in a foreign land. * Any kind of mother operating in a toxically positive landscape that looks at gratitude as a heal-all, with no affirmation of the many hardships that accompany big blessings. The real question for me is not, “What kind of a mother does this to her children?” Rather it’s, “What kind of a society does this to its mothers?” We can take responsibility. I come from a place of privilege, and still my post-birth medical check ups at a private institution excluded mental health (despite me having a history of generalised anxiety disorder). One week post-birth and six weeks later, my doctor checked my vagina and scar only, speaking at length about my birth control options. And there ended my postpartum healthcare. Everyone else in my life – personal and professional – were largely concerned with the baby. No-one advocated for me. I advocated for myself. I picked up the phone and called my therapist. But I was prepared. My mental health was on my radar and I had broken free from the damning and unrealistic expectations that society imposes on mothers. I could advocate for myself, but few mothers in South Africa have that privilege. This is true in a landscape that aligns needing help with failure as a mother. It’s true in a society that refuses to acknowledge the duality in motherhood. And its especially true for single or lone mothers living below the bread line. We can all hazard a guess at what transpired in the Dickason home that Thursday night. We can all write it off as a once-off tragedy that occurred as a result of a sick mind. We can all tut-tut at the sadness of it and carry on with our lives. Or, we can ruminate on this. We can swirl it about, taste the bitterness of it and properly ingest it. Own it. We can take responsibility for it. We can heed it as a warning and a call to action. We can ask the right questions and move towards putting plans and policies in place to ensure that no mother in South Africa gives birth and raises a family without stringent mental health checks. We can talk about our own experiences. The last straw. There are many assumptions and allegations that accompany the questions surrounding the Dickason murders. What was the proverbial last straw here? Was it the stress of the pandemic compounded by emigration? Was it the two weeks of prison-like conditions as the family waited out their managed isolation and quarantine? Was there family dysfunction at play? Most assume that Lauren Dickason suffered a psychotic episode. It’s the theory that holds the most water for those looking for answers. The details of the Dickason murders align strongly with the Yates killings of 2001. After years of battling with her mental health, mother-of-five Andrea Yates drowned her children in the bathtub one by one, believing that Satan was inside her and had damaged her children. Postpartum psychosis is often indicated by delusions or strange beliefs (sometimes linked to religion), as well as hallucinations. “This is me.” Sounds like an uncommon occurrence, right? Until we all start talking. Since I opened up about my own brush with postpartum psychosis, other mothers in my circle have admitted to experiencing something similar. The more I talk about the postpartum identity crisis, anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts and the dire state of motherhood in South Africa, the more women around me whisper, “This is me.” The act of killing – or wanting to kill – our own children should never be excused or normalised. But what about the red flags that pave the way to tragedy? The more we as mothers talk about our darkest and most shameful experiences, the more we see that we are not alone and the better the chance at intervention before tragedy strikes. Maternal mental health advocate and lactation therapist Jabina Coleman wrote, “Everyone wants to hold the baby, who will hold the mother?” It’s a question that’s stuck with me in early motherhood and it’s one that I hope sticks with you. We did this, South Africa. We are doing this, to our mothers and, by proxy, to our children. Mothers are incorrectly perceived to be superheroes who have infinite patience, infinite strength, infinite healing capabilities and the odds are stacked against us. But the broadest shoulders always bear the heaviest burden. We need to hold our mothers or it will be at the cost of our children. Find support. If you suspect you might need help, or you know someone who is struggling, immediately contact the following organisations for advice and support: The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG): 011 234 4837 SADAG has a WhatsApp counselling line that operates from 9am to 4pm: 076 882 2775 Gauteng Mental Health Society: 011 984 4038 SA Federation For Mental Health: 011 781 1852

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Beautiful Free 2022 Calendar

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sat, 29 Jan 2022 19:45:45 +0000

free – whaaaattttt? YES – FREE! In the words of Maui, “You’re welcome!” floral and pretty, for a desk or the fridge, and designed by shining mom. This calendar will help you keep up with your wildlings and keep your hubby in the loop too {without you having to repeat the same thing more than once :)}. “You’re welcome”. for best results, download the image to your computer before printing. Simply click on the link below to download. JANUARY 2022 CALENDAR

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‘n Eenvoudige Gebed

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 08:33:54 +0000

oor die afgelope paar maande praat die Here op so ‘n sagte, geduldige manier met my oor vertroue. Jy sien – ek sê so graag vir die Here voor. Ek vertel Hom wát moet gebeur; hóé iets moet verloop; of wát die antwoord op my gebed moet wees. Sug. (Die prentjie van ‘n geduldige ouer en beterweterige tiener spring in my kop op). Op die oomblik bid ek seker die eenvoudigste, dog moeilikste gebed: “Father I trust You. Have Your way.” Soms afgewissel met die baie moeilike: “Father I don’t understand… but I trust You.” Dit is vir my so moeilik om ‘n PUNT aan die einde van “I trust You” te sit in plaas van ‘n komma. In die stilte wat volg na ‘n punt, maak angstigheid en vraatsugtigheid na beheer gereeld die spasie vol. Maar die Here is teenwoordig, geduldig, getrou en genadig – verál in die ongemaklike spasies na punte. En dit is sekerlik die beste plek om Hom te ontmoet. Mag jy ook eenvoudige, moeilike gebede met punte in plaas van kommas bid. En mag ons in die ongemaklike spasies vir Jesus beleef en gevorm word nét soos Hy wil.

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Freed From Our Ego

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 08:26:58 +0000

my social media feeds are full of beaming faces of parents or children – holding trophies, occupying a position on a podium, or fulfilling a spot on an academic leaderboard. Proud moments indeed, but have you considered the toll? Imagine the weight of the responsibility on our children when they feel responsible for fulfilling us? How untenable and unhealthy the role. Imagine the burden they feel when they have to perform like circus monkeys for our attention, praise and validation. What about the quiet moments – when they just are? Is that good enough? Do you acknowledge who they are at the core of their being instead of their performance? Does your child know that they are more than good enough at the core of their being or will they one day fall victim to the trap of achievement? Left feeling empty and dependent on applause or trophies and external validation? What will become of them when the applause fades, the curtains close, the lights are dimmed and the podiums are packed away? Will they be able to complete the sentence “I am…” Are you their mirror – reflecting back to them who they truly are? Do they know that their worth is not tied to any of their achievements? Do they know that they are worthy… simply because they are? So, support your child. And be proud, but also choose to free your child. Free them from the responsibility of feeding your ego. Set them free from the hostage-taking of your expectations. Because you see, who we are is not tied to our child’s behaviour or achievements or failures. If we over-focus on our children, in all likelihood we are neglecting our own passions and expectations and standards. We are distracting ourselves from the next steps we need to be taking in our own lives. So find your own passion and purpose. For your child’s sake and your own – you must.

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Running out of ideas?

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sun, 23 Jan 2022 17:58:55 +0000

do you ever feel like you are running out of ideas to keep your toddler entertained? Yeah – me too! Here are some great, creative, easy-to-do ideas that you could try:

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A teething baby is so much fun… (said no one ever!)

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 05:52:39 +0000

taking care of a teething baby is best done in shifts… by well-rested people. We know it is hard, mama. Especially when you have tried e-v-e-r-y-thing and nothing seems to soothe them! We want to help in any way we can and think this teething hack from Tobbie is a fabulous idea to provide some relief – to both you and your babe (or maybe a werewolf – not quite sure).

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How to Talk to Kids about COVID-19

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Mon, 16 Mar 2020 15:18:12 +0000

this illustrated story by Manuela Molina is a lovely child-friendly and emotionally safe way to support children’s understanding of COVID-19 and to help reassure them. It can open up conversations about any underlying fears or anxiety they may have regarding the current state of affairs. be sure to watch what you say and how you talk about COVID-19 to others in your children’s presence. They will pick up on your anxiety and underlying fears, which might trigger their own emotional reactions. (Children look to their parents’ emotional reactions to gauge how they should feel / react to situations). The key is to communicate calm and reassurance to your children and to reassure them that you will do everything in your power to keep them safe and protected. This will contribute to reestablish / affirm a sense of safety for them during these uncertain times. also keep in mind that emotions are processed through repetitive play and repeated stories. So revisit this illustration often.

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❤ FREE printable valentine cards ❤

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 06:29:59 +0000

by now you probably know that I am a sucker for a cute lunchbox note and, no doubt, my kids’ lunchboxes will be filled with all things hearts tomorrow (cue the strawberry jam)! However, what would Valentines be without an anonymous card? these cards, thanks to Shining Mom, are designed with all things CUTE and they are SUPER easy to print – simply click the link below! The fatties (hippo and ellie) are my absolute favourites! Which ones do you adore? so why are we sharing them here you may ask? As a little thank you and love-right-back-at-you for all your loyal support. We appreciate you. these really are the cutest way to say “I love you”. Go on – make your kids happy, mommy. 🙂

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Shop Now, Pay Later?!

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Wed, 31 Jul 2019 13:34:57 +0000

shop what you want now and pay later. No interest. No fees. No catch. Does that sound too good to be true? Actually it is not – it is called Payflex and it is awesome. Payflex is a free spending plan that enables you to get what you want now and pay later. It won’t cost you a cent more. Payment is made over 4 interest free installments. You pay only 25% upfront, then another 25% for the next 3 fortnights. what are you waiting for? Get what you want today.

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kids, cows & clothing

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Sat, 22 Jun 2019 09:41:28 +0000

it was a Friday afternoon in the middle of May, somewhere on the other side of lunch when I got the message: “Hi are you from Rustenburg? Do you have stock? I need it before 5. My daughter has a farm shoot and I don’t like what I have bought anymore.” {Disclaimer: NOT an eye love garment 🙃} a frantic exchange of messages followed and finally a decision was made; a beautiful package was wrapped and delivered before 05h00 pm. We settled on A ROSE FOR EMILY romper, a leather hair accessory and STAND IN MY SHOES vintage leather shoes. so what happens when you style a beautiful little girl for a cow shoot with a brilliant photographer? Amazing happens: having worked with Photolove on numerous occasions, I was familiar with the photographer’s style and aesthetic. I just knew that the romper and colours would work perfectly with the cows – so much vintage soul. And I have to say – I couldn’t be any happier with the end result! what do you think?

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meet the MONTHSTERS!

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Wed, 22 May 2019 08:09:16 +0000

“WHAT on earth is a monthster?!” I hear you say. Monthsters are friendly monthly monsters and the creative of mrprintables. Each printable monthly calendar comes in the form of a cute monster that folds to a small pocket size and stretches to a long monthly calendar, with days you can write on and fill in. Your wildlings can either keep it with them when needed or put it up against their wall. i especially love it for times when you have to go away. Wildlings do not understand the concept of time and need something more tangible and kinesthetic to help ground them. So, what can you do: you print their monthster calendar and mark the days you will be away. They can then cross out the days until your return. it can also be helpful for a more anxious wildling or the ones who like to be in control. With pictures, you can indicate which days are school days, which days are weekends and which activities they have scheduled for which days. it is also great for nighttime potty training. Each time they have a dry night, they get to stick a sticker on their calendar. When they have x amount (to be determined by you) of dry nights in a row, they get a reward! click on the links below to download: January Monthster February Monthster March Monthster April Monthster May Monthster June Monthster July Monthster August Monthster September Monthster October Monthster November Monthster December Monthster How to make 1Cut all 4 strips, glue them to make one continuous strip. Use a ruler to keep them straight. 2Start with a ‘mountain fold’ where the number 1 starts. Fold the rest to make the concertina. 3Use a small rubber band if you want to keep them folded.

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parenting memes

WOLFIE THE RABBIT — Fri, 10 May 2019 10:23:31 +0000

we recently shared some parenting memes on our Facebook page and it had our followers reacting! It just goes to show how much parents can relate to the challenges of parenting. #thestruggleisreal. any guesses as to what kind of meme got the most reactions? I’m not sure if we should be worried about the current generation of parents or if it is the only way parents are able to survive the toddler years?? here is a roundup of the top 7: isn’t this just so like us moms? Our kids look like they just stepped off the pages of a kids fashion campaign and we wear the underwear with the holes in it… I have recently also realized that the “mom-pony” is my go-to hairstyle these days. Every.freaken.day. It is just the easiest, fastest option to help me not look completely disheveled. Do you have a fail-safe option? anyways – I’m diverting. Back to the countdown: and number 1? Drumroll please… i am not even going to attempt to respond to this!? so what is the commonality amongst all of these? Why is it that they manage to get a reaction out of parents? I think it is the fact that they manage to exactly depict exhausted parents’ desperation! p.s. want to know the one moms favoured the most? This:

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